Why It’s Important Now to Have a President Who Knows about Grieving

Joe Biden, the Democratic Party pick for president, has some unusual skills, one of which is his deep understanding of grieving. At the young age of 30, he lost his wife and daughter in a tragic car accident a week before Christmas. Up to that point, his future was looking very promising, almost superhuman. He had just been elected as a senator for the state of Delaware. Tragedy would strike again when his son Beau died of brain cancer at age 46. Despite these personal calamities, however, Biden has not retreated into his shell. Not only does he understand what is involved in grieving, but he uses his knowledge to console others who themselves have suffered great losses of their own. Apparently, he has understood pain for a long time, ever since he was a child of 4 and had a terrible stutter. Just before his recent acceptance speech at the Democratic convention, we heard a version of this quote from him:  “Stuttering gave me an insight I don’t think I ever would have had into other people’s pain”  (first recorded in an interview by John Hendrickson for the January/February 2020 issue of The Atlantic). Biden has given countless eulogies for deceased colleagues and friends. He reaches out to those who have suffered the loss of loved ones and truly feels their wrenching grief, and they cannot help feeling his genuine sincerity. He will even give complete strangers who are grieving his personal information. His own words in his acceptance speech bear repeating: 

I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I know that deep black hole that opens up in your chest. That you feel your whole being is sucked into it. I know how mean and cruel and unfair life can be sometimes.

But I've learned two things.

First, your loved ones may have left this Earth but they never leave your heart. They will always be with you.

And second, I found the best way through pain and loss and grief is to find purpose.

Biden found purpose in public service, and his view of government and the people is no different than his view of the relationship between the consoler and the consoled. As his father used to tell him: "Joey, I don't expect the government to solve my problems, but I expect it to understand them."  It’s all about understanding the other person’s feelings, his or her humanity, especially when that person is suffering. At this time in our country, there is a lot of pain. We need a healer like Joe Biden, whose seemingly boundless capacity for empathy would go a long way toward unifying our country, putting it back in touch again with the gentle feelings that define us as human beings, and recapturing its soul.